


Culpability

by MythicallyInspired



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:34:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8365303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythicallyInspired/pseuds/MythicallyInspired
Summary: Rhett realizes he needs to do something he should of done a long time ago.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is angst. Just angst. I haven't written angst in so long, since I personally don't like reading it or thinking about it. But! I made an exception to my own rule. Liinkstar is to blame here, since they basically led me to the idea for this fic. But they motivated me to finish this, so I thank them from the bottom of my heart. So blame them. But I hope you enjoy my sadness.

It was a typical Thursday night.

The air was abnormally humid, almost too thick to breathe in without wanting to cough out or choke on. It was a wet, sticky feeling, even as he sat on the couch inside. The air conditioning wasn’t on. He had wanted to save a couple of dollars on their electricity bill this month, and he was too stubborn to go back on his word from earlier that week. Yet, he still remained in his regular gray sweatpants and white tee shirt. It was sticking uncomfortably to his skin. Although the windows were open, the light breeze that was blowing in didn’t help much at all, and he cursed silently to himself. The humidity was suffocating, nearly unbearable.

His eyes glanced out to the nearby sliding window door. The blinds that had been pushed back by his wife were moving slightly, waving along with the wind. The khaki curtain was being pushed along with it. The blinds would occasionally hit one another and swing simultaneously, but it was quiet enough to where it was soothing instead of irritating. The air outside smelled wet. It had rained recently. It wasn’t the smell of a hard, tough rain where the droplets would hit you like a stinging bullet. It hadn’t been a light drizzle, either. He thinks it was a normal little shower, but it wasn’t enough to flood the little garden they had outside and kill his wife’s flowers. No, it was enough to just cover the concrete and make it look sparkly under the back patio light.

It was still cloudy outside. Usually, he couldn’t tell whether or not the sky was clear. There usually no stars, simply because of where he lived. When they had first moved out there, he was bothered by it. Back home, you could see the stars regardless of where you were. That was the beauty of living in the south and living in a semi-rural area and very suburban area. You always had a view of the stars, no matter what.

Although he couldn’t tell if there were stars out, he knew that the moon was out. As the clouds drifted across the sky, small breaks could be seen within the clouds, and some parts weren’t as thick or “padded” as the other parts. Against these thinner parts and holes, light could be seen. It must have been bright, because there was enough light to be distinguished and seen from where he was sitting.

A sudden feeling of curiosity ran over him. He furrowed his thick eyebrows before he was pushing himself off the black leather couch. His forearms stuck slightly to the material, pulling a low ripping sound. It was a bit unpleasant, but could be easily ignored. He was able to stand to his full height. Pulling at the hem of his sweatpants and adjusting his shirt, he took a few steps towards the glass door. His left shoulder hit the end of the wall as he leaned against it, his eyes raking up to get a better look of the night sky above.

Now that he was closer to the black netting of the screen, he could actually feel the soft breeze coming in through the window. The breath of wind kissed gently at his moist skin, and he let out a sigh of relief. It felt better standing here instead of on his couch. He took in a deep breath through his nose, but immediately recoiled. The smell of the air outside due to the recent rain was repulsive.

He was familiar with the smell of a fresh rain in North Carolina. There, the smell of a rain was fresh. It was comforting and relaxing. It was clean and pure. It was like nature had been reset to its default setting, in which rain droplets would collect on the leaves and slowly drip down onto the ground below. Animals would slowly emerge from their burrows and dens, making sure that the weather was clear and holding up before they could go out again. It was misty and refreshing. It was one of his favorite smells, and it reminded him of home.

Yet the smell of rain here was dirty. It smelled of mud and recent fertilizer. It was like someone had taken dirty water from his gutters and had sprinkled it around the perimeter of his home. It was pungent, and it made him take a step back before shaking his head. He didn’t like it. Not at all. It was nothing like he knew and was familiar with. He was familiar with the smell itself, but that didn’t mean he would ever get used to it.

As he lingered on that for a moment, his arms crossed. When was the last time he had actually smelled that familiar scent of North Carolina rain?

It hit him suddenly, and it made his entire body go frigid. He could suddenly remember. He questioned why he had forgotten it. It was a recent memory, one that had happened only a few weeks ago.

~~~~~

_It had rained, just like it had done so today._

_The window was open, but instead of being pushed to the side, it had been pushed up. Curtains were pushed to the side and held back with a simple chip clip. It was hasty and lazily done, but that didn’t matter to either one of them. They had been too preoccupied with each other. They had been preoccupied with each other for a while, and the simple folding back of some curtains wasn’t enough to divert their attention from the other’s eyes._

_The room wasn’t humid, but rather pleasantly heated. A breeze was coming in from the window, but it was directed at the two entangled bodies on the bed. It was a pleasant feeling, having a cool wind on them along with the fan that was spinning on the lowest setting above them._

_The larger of the two held the smaller one against his side, an arm wrapped around his shoulders. His palm was placed on his shoulder, and fingers were spread out over the side onto his upper arm. His thumb rubbed lightly across the tanner skin of the man in his arms. His skin was soft, softer than his own. It was a feeling he wasn’t used to, but he enjoyed it._

_His wife’s skin felt differently under his touch._

_The smaller man in his arm took in a deep inhale, his soft hair rubbing against the chest he had his head on. He adjusted his body against the larger one, before he was sliding his head up to look up at the bearded chin above him. He pushed himself up the mattress slightly, as to slowly rub the tip of his nose against the other’s chin. A smile made its way to his face as the larger man began to shake from deep chuckling, out of ticklishness and the silliness of the situation._

_The dark haired man felt a smile creep up onto his own face before he was sitting up in the other’s arm, placing a sharp elbow on the other’s stomach, digging slightly into his gut._

_The bearded man grunted a bit before he met the dark man’s gaze, his own stare half lidded. His emerald eyes ran over the disheveled appearance of the man above him. He felt his smile widen behind his neatly trimmed beard. His free hand lifted from underneath the thin blue sheet, wandering up to place his palm on the man’s stubbled cheek. Blue eyes relaxed before his head tilted into the larger, and rougher hand. Those eyes closed before he nuzzled his nose and cheek into his hand. The sight was completely endearing, and he could feel a warmth in his chest he had been feeling only recently. It was a new experience, but it was completely welcomed and wanted. It made him feel young and in love again._

_Cerulean eyes opened before those pink lips were curving into the lightest and sweetest smile._

_“I love you, Rhett.”_

_The words were softly spoken, full of raw emotion and truth._

_Yet it made his heart stop, frozen in its tracks. He was suddenly full of fear and panic. His heart began to slam against his rib cage anxiously, not stopping. His breathing sped up before he was pulling himself out of bed, nearly falling over in his hastiness. He grabbed at his clothing, putting it all on as fast as he could. He could hear rustling of the sheets as the man in bed gripped the sheets, covering himself as he sat up to watch his lover’s panicked and fearful movements._

_“Rhett? What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?” he asked, his dark eyebrows furrowed in concern before the man was leaning over to the bedside table, grasping his glasses and putting them onto his face._

_He offered no response, putting on his jacket and shoes before he was walking out the bedroom door with not even a glance at the confused man he left in the bedroom._

_He heard the man calling his name, each time his name become louder and sounding more desperate than the last. His heart was aching, begging for him to turn around and go back to the man in the bed, to take off his clothes and climb back in with him. At the same time, his mind was screaming at him, berating him for what he was doing. What was wrong with him? If she were to find how what he had done, what he had done, he would surely lose her forever. His mind was obviously not ready to live with the consequences._

_His heart and mind were clashing, fighting with each other over what he should do. It continued as he burst out of the house, walking over to his car and climbing into it._

_He was quick to drive away, not even looking in the rear view mirror as the man in bed stepped out onto his porch steps, wearing nothing but his glasses and a pair of jeans._

_Link was still calling his name as he drove down the street, Rhett’s name breaking off into a broken and defeated sob._

~~~~~

Rhett stared out the window, holding his breath longer before he pushed himself off the wall. He glanced at the couch, seeing his empty seat with the remote just sitting there. He looked at the television, completely forgetting what it was that he was supposed to be watching. At this point, he didn’t entirely care. His mind was utterly focused on the man who had been in his memory, and whose bed he was in just a few weeks ago.

The feeling of bottomless guilt had rested in his gut, tugging an aching feeling from his gut and his chest.

He was absolutely silent for a moment, his breathing even halting as his emerald eyes focused on the wet pavement.

His body acted before his mind did, his long legs darting away from the window and down the hallway. His legs moved with vigor, making his way over to the front door of the house. His feet immediately slid into his flip flops, curling his toes around the thong. His head turned towards the bowl of keys by the door, picking out his own from his wife’s. Once his fingers curled around the familiar metal, his other hand unlocked the door and threw it open towards himself. If his wife was calling for him, he didn’t hear. The pounding of his heart was too loud in his ears, and the sound of cheap material rubbing against the sidewalk as he hastily made his way over to his car was too distracting. He unlocked the car with the push of a button and opened the driver’s side door, stepping up and bending his body to slide onto the leather seat.

The door was slammed shut before he automatically put the keys in the cup holder. He didn’t need to put the key in the ignition. He simply just pressed the brake down and pressed a button, and the engine roared to life. He pulled the stick shift and put it into reverse, looking into his rear view mirror as he backed out of the driveway, turning the wheel towards the end of the street that lead to the road that would take him to the main road. He put the shift into drive before he was heading down the paved road, his eyes not even glancing at the house that he was leaving.

The radio was quiet, playing a generic pop song that he vaguely remembered the words to. Rhett paid no attention to it, his hands gripping onto the wheel and his eyes simply staring ahead. He was driving on autopilot at this point. He had driven this route so many times while carpooling with him to work and simply going over there to hang out. His eyes could have closed and he still would have been able to get there no problem.

This was different, though. Usually, when he was on his way to Link’s house, he was feeling happy, excited even. Whenever he went over to Link’s house, it was to hang out and just be guys together. He could be himself without having his actions being recorded and watched by millions of other people on a website.

Instead, he felt fear. He felt anxious. He felt apprehension. He realized that he was sweating. Not just on his hands, but his forehead and temple were dripping with sweat. His shirt was stuck to his lower back, and it felt moist and sticky. His feet were sliding against the bendy plastic of his flip flops, and he was afraid for a moment that his feet would slide down from it. He knew he wasn’t sweating from the heat. No, the air conditioning was on in the car, sending cool blasts of air towards his arms and neck and face.

He was still sweating. It was the feelings running through him, causing his body to react in such a way. He was afraid of how Link was going to react once he got there, once he looked at him directly in the eyes and simply poured his heart out to him. All the different scenarios were running through his head, sending him into various states of panic and worry.

Link could simply ignore him, refusing to open the door and confront him. Or Link could open the door, see his face, and slam the door into his face. Or Link could open the door, see his face, and simply say nothing. Or Link could open the door, see his face, and scream at him, telling him that he’s an idiot and he never wants to see his face ever again and they are no longer friends. Or Link could open the door, see his face, and simply break down, crying and sobbing. Rhett honestly didn’t know what was worse, but he was sure he knew how Link was going to react when he came to his door.

It’s painful to think about but he’s so sure of what might happen and it scares him.

It dawns on him as he thinks and waits at a red light. Why is he doing this? Why, of all times, at 9:47 at night, is he going and driving over to his best friend’s house to confront him about what happened? Why did he suddenly feel the need to jump into his car?

As soon as he asks himself, he already knows the answer.

He does it because he knows he’s been putting it off for longer than it needed to be. It has been too long. But he knows he ran out of the house on pure adrenaline. His body had moved before he had time to even think about it. Yet he still knew he had realized what he was doing as soon as his hand had gripped onto the handle of the car door. His mind had caught up, but all he knew was one thing.

He knew that if he just stopped what he was doing and just went back into the house, he could never be able to clean up his mess. He knew that if he never got into the car, he never would.

Rhett thinks about him, more often than he would like. He thinks about Link in more than friendly way. Of course, he still worries about if Link has eaten properly, or if he’s using at knife at the current moment and hopes he won’t cut himself. He hopes that Link isn’t forgetting about the sponsorship meeting they have the next day, or if he felt sick that he’s feeling better. He also likes to hope that Link is thinking about him, and thinking about the same things that he’s thinking about.

He also likes to think about all that they’ve done. Rhett thinks about how they’ve gotten through high school together, graduating at each other’s side. He thinks about how they made it through college together, working towards their degrees. He thinks about their weddings and how they were best men at each other’s ceremonies. He thinks about how they’ve made families and how their kids have grown up together. He thinks about how they travelled across the country together and created something out of nothing. He likes to think about that all the time, and without Link, he would probably still be in a meaningless, dead end job.

He likes to think about what they’re doing now. Here they are, millions of fans with hundreds of people under their wings, running their business and helping them do what they do best. Rhett likes thinking about their accomplishments and what they’ve done to get those accomplishments. He likes thinking about their show and their projects and how they’ve become even closer through everything that they’ve done.

Rhett also knows that they’re going to do more. He thinks about that a lot too. He thinks about the future projects they have and the ideas he wants to make come true. He wants to make his and Link’s ideas a reality. He wants to share their creative mindset with the world and their fans and the millions of people that will eventually watch their content.

Yet, even as he continues to think about all that, he still has no idea what he’s going to say. He doesn’t even know if he’ll say anything at all.

He still knows that he’s screwed up enough to be hit. He fucked up bad enough to be hit, and Link will just let him have it. He wouldn’t blame Link if he punched him in the face. In fact, half of him hopes that Link will hit him, because he knows he deserves it.

He thinks about his wife for a moment. He thinks about the fact that this is the wife he’s been with for over ten years, who has stuck with him through all the shit he has put her through. He thinks about the wife who gave birth to two beautiful boys. He thinks about the wife who has to stand on a chair to yell at him and kiss him when they break out into laughter over how ridiculous they must look. He thinks about the woman he fell in love with. He thinks about the woman he knows he’d leave for Link.

But he doesn’t feel regret. There’s no aching feeling in his chest or heart when he thinks about his wife. He feels absolutely nothing. He feels guilt, after a few moments. He feels guilty for not feeling any sort of regret or remorse.

Rhett’s mind is a whole mess, one thought blending into another. It’s like some sort of messy watercolor painting in his mind. It begins one color and ends in another, before ending into another and another. The colors have become muddled, eventually becoming just one, ugly and unappealing brown.

It’s like multiple people are talking. It’s like being in the middle of a crowded room, surrounded by people who know each other but have no idea who he is. It feels like people are pressing up against him and yelling at him, screaming to him rather than just walking over to him and telling him what they want. It’s a painful feeling, and Rhett can feel a small migraine coming to the back of his head because of it.

The radio had become nothing but a distant hum. The bland, repetitive pop music had faded, but it’s keeping Rhett grounded in the world that he’s in. He knows that the music is the only thing that’s keeping him sane. He had nearly forgotten about the music and the radio being on.

He realizes that he’s wearing nothing but his sweatpants and his shirt, and he didn’t even bother to grab a robe or a jacket. He has nothing on but his pajamas and his flip flops and his heart on his sleeve. He also remembers that his phone is on his coffee table. Normally, he knows that he would be panicking and turning his car around just for his phone, but for once, he’s not worried about it.

Rhett’s stepping a little too hard on the accelerator. He suddenly also realizes that he passed a turn he was supposed to go down. He knows where he’s going, yet he still passes the turn completely. He nearly laughs at himself, but the smile doesn’t make it to his face. In fact, he begins to get angry at himself. Why did he suddenly not go where he was supposed to?

The smell inside the care feels choking. The scent of the leather he usually loves is suffocating. He takes a glance towards the gas tank dial, looking at it only to notice he still has a full tank of gas. He usually always has one, but at this moment, he doesn’t really care if he had enough. He would run for hours and hours on end for the man down the street and down the block. He would run forever for Link if it meant that he could keep him and have him for all eternity.

He's there.

He parks his car in the road, next to the curb, in front of Link’s house. He has to turn to look at the house.

It’s so familiar. He’s spent hours here. Days and weeks, even. He knows this house like the back of his hand, just like he knows Link. He knows where everything is, from the smallest knick knack to the pictures that align the painted walls, from the store bought rugs to the handcrafted furniture that Link and his wife personally picked out together. He knows everything about it, and he knows that he lies the same bed that he and Link made love in not just a few weeks ago.

Rhett turns off the car, shutting the headlights off in the process. He doesn’t want Link to see him and come out. His heart is pounding in his rib cage. He’s never felt so sweaty and nervous. He actually feels like he might vomit.

He contemplates actually getting out of the car. He second guesses himself. Should he? He knows for a fact that he wants to. But should he? He knows if everything goes wrong, nothing will ever be the same.

Yet he knows that everything already isn’t the same. It wasn’t the same the second their fingers touched and intertwined. It wasn’t the same the second their lips touched and their tongues met in a passionate embrace. It wasn’t the same the second their bodies met and became one under the soft light of Link’s bedroom and underneath the soft pitter padder of rain against the adjacent window. It wasn’t the same the second Link whispered those words to him.

He knows that he can still go home. He knows that Jessie will be waiting for him and will take him back into their home with eager and open arms. He knows he can go home because she loves him and would do anything for him.

Rhett doesn’t want to. Not anymore.

It’s too painful not go home with him instead.

Home with his wife feels hollow and forced. Everything has felt forced ever since he and Link have been together. He knows that it’s different with Link, like it was all meant to be and now he has only realized it. It’s like he was meant to stay.

The longer he stays inside, the more he feels like he’s going to suffocate. He finally breaks, pushing open his door and stepping out onto the grass. He closes the door behind him as quietly as he can, even if he knows in the back of his mind that Link won’t be able to hear him out here. He simply stands next to the car for a few moments, staring at the house in front of him. His eyes move over the house, looking for any sort of movement or signs of life.

The bedroom light is on. He knows Link must be awake.

The surrounding noise of crickets chirping cease as it begins to drizzle again, peppering Rhett’s sweaty skin with wet kisses. It reminds him of the way Link would kiss him as they sat alone in their office, sitting on his lap and just enjoying each other’s company.

The temperature drops and he begins to head up the driveway and onto the patio of the house, carefully climbing up the familiar steps.

Rhett stops in front of the door, raising his hand. His finger clench into a fist, his knuckles posed to knock, before he suddenly loses his nerve. His hand drops to the side, loosening and rubbing against the fabric of his sweatpants.

He’s about to turn when the door opens.

Rhett widens his eyes, turning to look at the sudden ray of light that is over him and the shadow at his feet.

There he is. Impassive, simply staring up at him with those big blue eyes he knows and melts under.

The environment around the both of them is tense. It’s so tense that you could cut it when a knife. Link’s hand drops from the doorway and his eyes narrow behind his glasses, silently asking why Rhett is here.

Yet there’s something else in his gaze. Link really knows why, but he wants to hear it directly from Rhett’s mouth. He wants to make sure that it’s true.

There’s a lingering question between them, coming from Link’s side of the silent conversation.

_‘Why did you leave her?’_ Link asks.

Yet they know that the question doesn’t need to be answered. At least not at this very moment.

They stare at each other for a long few moments, before there’s suddenly the slumping of Rhett’s broad shoulders. His shoulders shake, quivering as silent, regretful sobs begin to wrack his body. It’s a not a wet cry. It’s completely dry. There are no tears coming from his eyes as he begins to break down in front of his best friend.

His voice cracks as he whispers out, “I’m so sorry.”

Link’s heart breaks a little at the sound, but he knows that this time, Rhett means it. It’s not an empty apology like all the other ones. It’s full of heartbreak, regret, and sorrow.

Link knows he’s still angry, but watching the love of his life break down in front of him is heart wrenching. He wants to be mad and stay mad. But with how vulnerable he looks right now, there’s no way he can stay mad. He can’t bring himself to.

There’s no guilt between the both of them, but anguish. There’s anguish in the fact that they both let this go on for so long without even speaking about it or bringing it up. They’ve had so much time to talk about this, but they didn’t.

“I know,” Link whispers, before Link is taking two steps forward and embracing the larger man. Rhett’s large arms wrap around Link, desperately clinging onto his lover like his life depended on it. Nails dig into shirts and muscles shake from how hard they’re holding onto each other.

It’s several moments before the soft sobs cease before they’re just holding onto one another. It’s silent, but it’s not awkward.

They both know that there’s love between them. There’s always been love between the two of them, whether it had been strictly platonic, or suddenly had turned into a romantic, desperate love that they both suddenly needed and craved.

They both know that everything between them has turned out okay. They know that this will too.

Link pulls away slightly before he grips onto the gray shirt, tugging him inside and simply shutting the door.


End file.
